We all talk about self-love, but what is it? Some of us can’t tap into that self-love because we don’t understand the process of being able to become one with ourselves.
Step 1: The willingness to be open to the possibility that you need to make a change. Sometimes, when we grow up in dysfunction, it becomes our norm. We have been around it and in it for so long that it becomes infused in the air we breathe and even the blood that flows through our veins. Even in this situation, there is always a point when you might question the possibility that your current situation does not have to be your permanent situation. Once you become open to the possibility that change is necessary, you can begin the process of seeking out the tools.
Step 2: Finding the tools you need. Healing is not a cookie cutter process. What works for one sister may not necessarily work for you. Base your path on your personal experiences and what resonates with your spirit. Explore new possibilities.
Step 3: Be willing to let go. Part of the healing journey is being ready to let go. Part of this process will require you to step back and pull away. You’re never throwing anyone away, and no one is saying you have to remove yourself permanently. There are times when you need to stand by yourself, so you can hear your voice clearly and take a good look at where you’re coming from and where you want to go. Take time to re-evaluate your personal relationships. Are you in a healthy relationship with yourself and are you in a healthy relationship with others. You’re not only going to let go of unhealthy relationships, but you’re also going to let go of unhealthy behaviors and habits. These are the things that have either gotten you into the rut or has helped sustain your rut.
Step 4: Learn to trust yourself. I often have women come to me and tell me about the relationships that didn’t end well. They say “I don’t trust other women.” Or even “I don’t trust men.” My question is then, do you not trust them or do you not trust yourself to make good choices when it comes to these relationships? Everyone will have a relationship lesson they will have to learn before this lifetime is over. Some of the experiences are going to be hard. We are all on a journey of understanding ourselves, and our purpose and the experiences are part of the journey. It’s not something you’re going to be able to avoid, and you should not want to. Learning how to listen to that intuition and following that inner voice is that journey of trusting yourself.
Step 5: You have to learn how to forgive. I bet you think I’m talking about forgiving someone else. Nope, I’m not. I believe forgiveness has to be earned and I don’t believe that just because you chose not to forgive someone that you have to carry hate. This is about your healing. Learn you forgive yourself for the mistakes made and be willing to seek forgiveness from anyone you may have hurt along the way.
Step 6: Adopt new habits and behaviors: Once you learn how to trust yourself, and you have explored new tools uses those new skills practically. Apply them to your life and make it a lifestyle change. If it’s eating better, taking naps, journaling, prayer, meditation, or exercising; make it part of your everyday life and become consistent with it.
Step 7: Mind your journey. Don’t worry about where someone else is. It’s their journey. Focus on what you need to do and be proud of the milestones.
Step 8: LIVE YOUR LIFE! Life is a way too long to be miserable. Live it and enjoy it. No one else can live it, but you and you don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations.
Step 9: Treat yourself: Get that favorite book, go to on that vacation, take a “me” day, and say your affirmations. Pamper yourself every single day of your life.
Step 10: Understand that healing is cyclical. Healing is a journey. Don’t worry so much about the destination. Focus the here and now.